Two Years a Family of 3

I remember so vividly that moment when I was walking down the exit terminal on May 5th, 2012, and my eyes found Michael's. I wanted to run into his arms, honestly, because of the emotional rollercoaster that had ensued the previous several hours with flight delays, an extra overnight trip in San Francisco, a seizure on our departure day from Korea (complete with an ambulance ride and experience in an ER in Korea). But, I was also overwhelmed by the moment when Michael first met our son and we were all together, a family of 3. The several weeks that followed were HARD. As Taylor grieved the loss of a wonderful foster family, he began bonding with us and learning to trust us as his parents. I remember, when we were home about 3-4 weeks, when I felt like it just clicked. It did not become magically easier, but something happened that made me believe that this amazing little guy was finally starting to understand and trust that we were his mom and dad. We were looking at photo albums on the dining area of our apartment (let's just be honest, he was pulling books off of the shelves) and ended up pulling out our wedding album.


Let me back up...when I met Taylor's foster family while in Korea, they told me that they were referring to us as mommy and daddy, so, naturally, we called ourselves mommy and daddy as we were trying to teach him who we were. We also thought it would help him differentiate between us and his foster family during talks with him. Okay, back to the story...


I began finding pictures of us in the wedding album and pointing to them, asking, "Who is this?" As I pointed to one picture of myself, Taylor looked at me and said, "Umma." I pointed to a picture of Michael, and Taylor responded, "Appa." I could tell by the satisfied look on his face and the deep intent in his expression that he GOT it. He did not understand what all of this mommy/daddy business was about, but he knew what an umma/appa were and knew that we were his. I melted. "Yes, buddy, we are forever your Umma and Appa." I am not sure when/if he will ever begin to refer to us as mom/dad (he knows what this means now and understands we are his mom and dad), but I fondly remember the moment he knew he was ours and we were his, a family forever.


Isn't this what happens when our heavenly Father adopts us? There is no worrying about being placed in another family or being un-adopted if we do not follow all of the rules. He loves us, as His children, unconditionally and eternally. I am so grateful that God gave us the opportunity to see a glimpse of His love for us. As I am overwhelmed with love for this sweet 4 year old, I sense Abba whispering to me, "This is how I love you, and so much more than this. Trust me constantly with your heart and life." Taylor Won Murry, you are such as abundant blessing to us, and we are delighted always to be your Appa and Umma!

In celebration of the day, I wanted to share a video of one of our skypes with Michael while in Korea. Thanks for following!

And, I promise, I will give a Daniel update soon!!

Happy Gotcha Day, Taylor Won!

A year ago today...

 

 This is what I saw when I first walked into the restaurant where we were meeting Taylor Won and the foster family for the first time.

 He missed his nap that day and fell asleep being rocked on his foster umma's back as she did often to put him to sleep or soothe him. His foster appa held him at the table after he had fallen asleep...one of the sweetest pictures we have from the trip. No question as to whether he was loved while in Korea...absolutely, he was.

 

Below is a picture of the first time I was able to really touch him without him becoming upset. I remember thinking, "It's really him. The one we have prayed for and loved and waited to hold. Our sweet baby boy."

 

The pictures that are missing from this post are the ones filled with tears and brokenhearted goodbyes, but the memories are forever in my mind and heart and I thank God for the love my child received while cared for by his sweet foster family. They will always be a precious part of his story that I plan to share with him over and over again to honor them and to show Taylor how he was loved from the beginning.

 

 

The hard part had begun. Taylor sobbed for the whole ride back to the hotel in the cab and was inconsolable once we got into the hotel lobby. So, my sweet and selfless friend, Brooke (who I owe a million more thank-you's to), brought our stuff up to the hotel room while I got the carrier. We snapped him in it and just started walking down the streets of Seoul. My heart was broken, and I felt helpless. I knew this grieving was part of the healing process and was a very good sign, but it was SO HARD to witness. This is when I first sang him the song, "God is So Good," as we were walking down the street with him in the carrier with my arms wrapped tightly around him. We had sent him a video a couple months before travel so that he could get used to our voices, see what we looked like, etc. I added a part at the end of the video where I sang "God is So Good" while filming his room that we had set up for him (his toys, bed, etc.). I almost did not keep it in the video because, well let's face it, singing is not a talent of mine, but I kept it in there because I knew (bless his heart) that I would likely find myself singing to him once he was with us. And, I am so glad I did. That is the only thing that soothed him for those first several days:

 

God is so good,

God is so good,

God is so good,

He's so good to me.

 

He loves Taylor Won so,

He loves Taylor Won so,

He loves Taylor Won so,

He's so good to me.

 

He answers prayers,

He answers prayers,

He answers prayers,

He's so good to me.

 

And he finally relaxed and fell asleep...

 

When he woke up from that first nap, I expected him to get upset again, but he just sat quietly in my lap and pulled stickers from the Thomas the Train activity book I had brought and stuck them on this pants and the pages of the book.

 

Then we walked and walked some more, knowing the visible grieving would come again (and it did, a good bit over that next few weeks, mostly at night), but he was much easier for me to soothe after those first couple of hours. I know that God prepared his little heart because he seemed to know I was his umma and that I was his "safe place"...he began attaching.

He was pretty stoic throughout the whole first day, and then, all of a sudden when we were eating dinner in the hotel restaurant, this scared little guy started to smile...and not just smile, but laugh and throw his head back in excitement as I swung him around. He started to climb...

And what do you do on your first day being a parent to this sweet boy who has just experienced what no two year old should have to experience in their short little life? You let em' climb, encourage it even, and ignore the stares :-)

And, caught on camera (again, thanks Brooke!), that first kiss!

 

After dinner, we watched the dvds that his foster mom sent of some of his favorite Korean cartoons/singalongs (complete with the "Three Bears" song, a Korean childhood favorite). DJ, our agency social worker in Korea, had called earlier in the day to get a report for the foster family because they were worried about him and wanted to be reassured that he was okay. They wanted pictures posted to the blog asap...thanks again, Brooke, for pictures added ;-) I also talked to Michael and filled him in on the day's events (with the highlights being "I have our son!" and "I am already sooo tired!").

 

I put a pair of his pajamas on him that his foster mom had sent (she sent several outfits for him so that he would have some familiar things)...his dinosaur pajamas that he stills wears, a little high-water these days. I wrapped up his "gotcha day" clothes and sealed them in a vacumn-tight ziplock bag to preserve the smell...one of the things recommended by the lady that created the Lifebook. Side note: We also bought a newspaper from that day so that Taylor can look at it one day and see what was going on in Korea during that time.

 

And, we snuggled in and watched the dvds until well into the night...

...when he finally drifted off to sleep.

 

The beginning of something GREAT!

 

One year later...

 

You constantly bring us joy and laughter, and we are so blessed that God brought us together to "make family!" 

 

 Happy Gotcha Day! Your Appa and Umma love you all around the world and back again!





We're Official!

Finalized the adoption today! Thank you Lord for blessing us with this amazing child and for showing us the most eternally wondrous picture of adoption through the cross. So blessed.

Taylor is 3!

Photoshoot

Getting Ready for Christmas

Santa's little helper...

 

Taylor tapping his "thinking finger" on his chin as he tries to decide where to put the next ornament.


Hope everyone is having a very Merry Christmas!

Go Go Power Rangers!

Taking care of some "big monsters" early in the morning :-)

Long Overdue

I kind of just stared at the blinking line on the screen of this blank blog page for a while trying to think of how to sum up the past (almost) six months. I am just overwhelmed to look back at this whole process, from when we first laid eyes on a sweet little 10 month old boy with a smile that just melted my heart, to today as I watched my happy 2 1/2 year old son run at full force across the yard at Nana's house laughing and playing with the sweetest contentment while gathering leaves to add to his collection in his (and his cousin's) toy car. How we did get from there to here? By God's grace alone and by living one day at a time, thanking God for the little steps of bonding and for oh-so-patiently teaching us what it truly means to be an appa, umma, and son through His unfailing love and pursuance of us.

Now, I do not want to sound like adoption is glamerous and all roses and sunshine. I mention this only because it can be discouraging to other adoptive parents (especially those just getting home with their new child) when all they read on adoptive family blogs are how wonderful and carefree it all is. Adoption is HARD, and it is traumatic on many levels for all involved (at least for us it was). BUT, God is faithful, so faithful. If you are just getting home with your new child and feel like the whirlwind of grieving and push/pull feelings of your little one are about to send you over the emotional edge, hold on. It will get better. Words cannot express the love I have for this child. He is our son! Ha! We are so blessed! I am still kind of at a loss as to how to sum it all up but hope that these pictures and little random thoughts/comments can show some of the love and fun that we are having. (Some pictures are blurry because they are taken with my phone and because Taylor is a fast mover!) Enjoy.

This kid is not lacking in silliness and happiness...

 

 

Getting the hang of country living...

 

Yes, we are riding in the back of a pick-up truck, but we are on a family road driving a few miles per hour ;-)

Windows down, sunroof open!



Have I mentioned how much he loves his Appa?

 

First haircut since home...

 

 

When he learned how to work the pedals...

Favorite action character (red "go go power ranger")...

Taylor Won strong!

 

The next picture needs some explanation, so here goes...We were eating spaghetti for the first time one night (first time for Taylor) when he started getting upset because his nose hurt. Michael said, "I think he might have sucked a noodle up his nose when he went to take a bite." I said I didn't think so because I did not see a noodle up there. He was getting more upset, so I grabbed a kleenex and took this moment to try to explain how to blow air out of your nose (blew air on this hand, imitated, etc. etc.)...nope, he was trying to do what I was telling him but just kept sucking air in to try to get his nose to feel better. Finally, I gave up and just tried to soothe him...I did not see anything in there after all. WARNING: This next part is awfully gross (but funny), so reader beware. Okay, consider yourself warned. You know how, when kids get upset and start crying, their little noses start to run? Yes, I finally saw the end of a white noodle "playing hide-n-seek" as he was breathing in and out. I had to time it just right to grab that slippery little thing and avoid breaking it off and leaving a smaller piece in his nose, but we (I mean "I"...notice Michael is not mentioned in any part of this story after he makes his guess as to what he thinks he saw happened) got it out successfully...measuring at least 2" long! Ah, the joys of parenthood :-)

 

 

So, this is the crazy life we share as a family of three :-)

 

Amanda